To Heal an Unbroken Heart
We’ve always talked about it. A meet up is never complete until we talked about it. But, yesterday’s talk was different. It was filled with intense emotion, a kind of desperation. Maybe a plea for help. A talk that left me with a sleepless night just thinking about it.
Perhaps the clock was ticking too fast. Perhaps we were just being impatient. Perhaps it was a kind of anger, maybe some kind of pent up frustration. Or maybe it was just plain jealousy. And because of our silence, we began to shoot our own feet.
Suddenly, I felt like I was a teen again; trying to find answers of why these supposed wondrous things have not happened to me. Pessimism crept in like a viral plague running through my veins… After all these years, my confidence wall begins to crack. And if I let these pathetic thoughts rule my head (and heart) the wall will crumble.
[pullquote_right]And because of this stand we take, we run a risk for not getting married at all. [/pullquote_right]
I have made my stand. Strict as it may seem to some, alhamdulillah I have found fellow sisters who believe in the same cause. And nothing, inshaAllah, nothing will make me change my mind about it. And because of this stand we take, we run a risk for not getting married at all. Especially in a world where pre-marital dating is quintessential in order to know someone.
During these pensive moments, the articles I’ve read, the videos I’ve watched , the lectures I’ve listened to, the discussions I’ve had seemed to dissipate into distant memories. Negativity consumes my rationality. I began to question my self worth. I began to question if there is really something wrong with me, because I am neither rich, nor beautiful nor of status. Heck, I’m not even pious.[pullquote_left]We think that we are ready to begin a new phase of life but we are actually not.[/pullquote_left]
And then I told myself to stop. Because this is not going to help.
Like how the reminders suddenly disappeared, they suddenly returned. Alhamdulillah.
Our worries, of being an old mother with really young children or not being a mother at all, are for naught. We think that we are ready to begin a new phase of life but we are actually not.
And so a reminder to myself and to my fellow sisters (the excerpt below was originally sent via SMS) ,
After some long deep reflection, I came to the conclusion that we need to concentrate on being better Muslimahs instead of fretting about not being married or worry about having children late in life. Such worries are red herrings to deter us away from our ultimate purpose that is to worship Allah. Marriage is a rizq from Allah, something already destined before we were even born. We may see that some people have it ‘easy’. That’s their rizq, their test.
Allah wants us to be patient. Allah wants us to improve ourselves so that we can become good mothers who could rock the world with the education we give to our kids.
Who knows us best but Him? He knows that we are not ready yet. And He wants to protect us from a broken heart and shield us from the extra sins. He, too, is preparing our azwaj (spouses) to be good husbands and exemplary fathers. These brothers in Islam, our soulmates are not lost, instead they are studying the map on how to get to us. InshaAllah.
This I need a constant reminder.
Umm Amatullah is slightly Extraverted, moderately iNtuitive, highly Feeling, and somewhat Perceiving… well according to a mother-daughter team called Myers & Briggs.