Khutbah Reflections: Treating Our Wives with Good Manners
The khutbah on 8th March 2013 was of particular interest to me. Even though I’m not married yet, it’s something for me to take note of before embarking the next phase of life. I see marriage as a beautiful thing. A union of two people and by extension, their families as well through a bond called “love”. A partnership if you will, between a husband and a wife (or wives) working together to seek the pleasure of Allah with the ultimate aim of attaining Jannah.
The relationship of a husband and his wife is a complementary one. One makes up for the shortcomings of the other and enhances whatever good qualities that he or she already has. Each one has his or her own role to play. Though times change along with the social norms, the husband still has the responsibility of providing for the family both spiritually and materially while the wife supports him.
This however, does not mean that the husband is “superior” and in no way warrants disrespect or mistreatment of the wife. She is a human being; a creation of Allah that deserves the care and respect as such. Her safety and her physical, emotional and mental well-being is the responsibility of her husband who took over the role from her parents the moment she lawfully becomes his wife.
Maybe the older generation is more conservative but is it really that difficult to show affection to our spouses? Rasulullah (S) himself joked, teased and had fun with his wives. He enjoyed being in their company. Rasulullah (S) used to call ‘Aisyah “Humaira” as a term of endearment because of her complexion and he wasn’t shy about it. He would praise his wives for the good things they have done and even helped out around the house. Since those of us who are married are already practising one of his sunnah, why not follow the sunnah of how he treated his wives as well?
Love is something that needs to be nurtured. Like a flower that needs water, sunlight and nutrients to grow and bloom, love requires sincerity, sacrifice and understanding.
To be sincere in loving our spouses is to love unconditionally and without expectations; accepting the person wholeheartedly for who she is and not who we want her to be. Don’t bring up the past whenever there is an argument. We all make mistakes and we’re only human.
People want to feel appreciated. A wife is no exception. Telling her or better still, showing her how much she matters can really make her day especially if she’s been having a rough one herself.
Perhaps the most important thing to have in a marriage and in relation to the way we treat our spouses is to understand each other. I believe it’s one of the main factors that made many of us think that she’s “the one”. If we can understand or learn to better understand her feelings, likes and dislikes, we’d be more careful about what we say or do so as not to upset her or be able to console her when it happens.
For those of us who are married, may the love we have for our spouses (and children) continue to grow and blossom until we return home to Jannah.
For those of us like me who have yet to get married, may we be joined with someone whose love of Allah drive us to be better Muslims, spouses and parents.[divider]
Fadhuli is an aspiring writer and believes in putting in the time and effort into meaningful causes. He strives to improve himself as a person and as a Muslim.