Guilty After My Firstborn
Our paradise and hell, the parents…
When I was having my first child, the very thing that kept on coming to my mind was how in the world my parents dealt with this situation. It was so difficult to take care of a child for there were so many responsibilities. You have to feed them on time, take care of their hygiene, wake up at night to see if they are sleeping properly, worry when they’re sick, go to limits when they want something, worry that they must have good education, see that they are in comfort at all times. There are so many things a parent would do for a child, that is only realized when the child himself becomes a parent one day.
I felt guilty as ever. Guilty of the fact that I disobeyed my own parents at times, guilty at hushing them when they asked me to do something, guilty at doing things my own way rather than listening to them, guilty at telling them they don’t care about me and that I know better, guilty at screaming at them, guilty of accusing them of interfering in my life. I was GUILTY. The first thing I wanted to do was to go to them, kiss their feet and ask for their forgiveness.
We come to situations in life when we realize at a much later stage that what we did was wrong. The one child in my life made me realize that mistake I did over the years. Parenting is the toughest job in the world. There are hardships, suffering, pain, fear, desires and any similar synonym you can come with for parents. And then when you read Quran, there is more guilt when it says that Allah SWT is pleased with those with whom their parents are pleased, and displeased with those with whom their parents are displeased.
“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor”(17: 23)
And in another place,
“ And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood”(17:24)
The only thing, if nothing else, which can save us from the fires of hell, is our behavior with parents. The duty towards parents is nothing more than respecting them and showing them the utmost gratitude. They leave their lives for children, they suffer greatly in prospering them and yet they ignore all the hardships and still love their children. When we study the ahadith about parents there is an endless list of events when the Prophet SAW outlined the importance of being kind with parents for they are our hell and paradise.
“Paradise lies under the feet of the mother.”, “God’s pleasure is in the pleasure of the father, and God’s displeasure is in the displeasure of the father.” And then the Prophet SAW says, “He who wishes to enter Paradise through its best door must please his parents.” (Bukhari)
Even looking at them with kind eyes is granted as Hajj for us. “If a person looks with love at his parents, God writes in his favor the reward equal to the performance of one Hajj”. (Bukhari).
Islam has teachings for everybody and the most impressive thing about this religion is that it is fair to all. With parents even if they are wrong in some regard Islam tells us to be nice to them even then.
“But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration)” (31:15)
These sayings are enough for any to realize how important it is to behave with parents in the best of ways. There should be no reason for any of us to act vicious with parents when they go through so many sufferings for us. So what if they scold us or interfere in our lives or tell us the right and wrong? It is their right – they earned it and not for free. So make yourselves rid of the guilt that you have for your parents otherwise it might be too late in this world and especially on the Day of Judgment.
Abu Hurairah RA said that “a person is indeed disgraced, who does not earn Paradise by caring for his parents during the lifetime and old age of his/her parents“.
Sadaf Siddique holds a degree in Computers and a Masters in Business Administration. She is the mother of a 2-year-old boy, a part-time writer and a full-time homemaker.